They grow up so fast

I can’t believe my four year old feels the need to shave…

My version of therapy

So I have a problem…

I have had this problem for years…

My family has experienced it so often, that they don’t even show me sympathy any more.

I am a huge klutz.

Whew! Does it feel good to get it out there!

I have fallen down (or up) the stairs so often that I used to only get a hollered “Are you okay?” from the living room. When I moved to my first apartment, one of my siblings (I’m not sure which one), asked me if I was sure that I wanted to move onto the third floor, because I was sure to hurt myself. Once at work I tripped over, ummm, NOTHING, and out of concern one of my co-workers wanted me to fill out and safety report.

Add to that an addiction to heels, and you know I am a danger to myself.

But today, was the first time that I have seriously injured myself. (Well, more than just a few bruises.)

Why is it that every time I fall there is someone there to witness it? Let me tell you it’s mortifying!

Today Wookis and I were walking down stairs to clean out my car, when one of my shoes went flying out from underneath me. I went sprawling down the stairs, scrapping the back of my leg and my wrist. As I started yelling at my shoe (because it totally wasn’t my fault at ALL) I looked up to see one of my neighbors coming back from a run and staring at me.

This is the same neighbor that came home to find Wookis peeing outside our apartment building.

Needless to say, I no longer wonder why my neighbors don’t talk to me.

All this free time is killing me

Let me reiterate…I. HATE. BEING. UNEMPLOYED.

Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.

What the hell does one do with all the free time?

Let me tell you how my day goes…

9:30 AM Wake up.

9:32 AM Take the dog out.

9:34 AM Yell out the dog, I need a freaking cup of coffee, can’t he hurry up?!

9:35 AM Now I have to pee.

9:40 AM Make a pot of coffee and wait.

9:41 AM Think about how great it would be if I made the coffee the night before. Especially since my coffee pot has that great little feature.

9:42 AM Feed the dog.

9:45 AM Wookis wakes up.

9:46 AM Ask Wookis if he is hungry. Nope not yet Mommy.

9:50 AM Ask Wookis again if he is hungry. No Mommy leave me alone!

10:00 AM Wookis is finally hungry. Make him something to eat.

10:10 AM Set up Wookis in front of the TV to watch his programs.

10:15 AM Dog is in front of the door again to go out. Amazing since he didn’t eat the food that I put out for him.

10:30 AM Get on the internet. Check Facebook. Check MySpace. Twitter.

10:40 AM Get on Indeed to look for jobs. Complain to Wookis that there are no jobs out there.

10:50 AM Check Google Reader.

11:00 AM Get back on Indeed.com to look for jobs. Make and effort to apply to something, anything!

11:10 AM Chase the dog around the living room, he has found one of Wookis’ toys and is chewing on it like there is no tomorrow.

11:20 AM Decide to clean out the cat’s litter box.

11:30 AM Get on the internet. Check Facebook. Check MySpace. Twitter.

11:45 AM Wookis wants to get on the computer and play a game.

11:50 AM Let Wookis get on the computer.

11:51 AM Wookis needs help. He has managed to open 12 different programs and needs me to close them so he can play his game.

11:55 AM Lecture Wookis about only clicking on the screen he is in or I will make him get off the computer.

12:00 noon Wookis needs help. He has managed to open 12 different programs and needs me to close them. AGAIN.

12:15 PM The dog needs out.

12:30 PM Wookis is ready for a snack.

12:45 PM Chase the dog, he jumped over the gate into my room and has a pair of Wookis’ underwear in his mouth and is chasing the cat.

12:50 PM Pry Wookis’ underwear from the dog.

12:55 PM Take the dog outside.

1:00 PM Ask Wookis about lunch. He is not hungry yet.

1:15 PM Get on the internet. Check Facebook. Check MySpace. Twitter.

1:30 PM Wookis is hungry, dog is waiting at the door to be let out…of course.

1:31 PM Yell at the dog to hurry up, he already smelled that leaf three times today

1:40 Make Wookis lunch.

1:45 Get on the internet. Check Facebook. Check MySpace. Twitter.

And so on and so forth. I think you get the hint. I honestly think that if I don’t get a job soon I will go crazy. This being unemployed thing has gotten really tiring. I don’t like it. I am ready to throw myself on the ground and throw a good old-fashioned temper tantrum.

How do people do it?

The other day, I had someone call me. I haven’t spoken to her in years and she was complaining to me because she has no help. It is soooo hard for her to be unemployed. The thing is she doesn’t have to work. She is married, with oodles of family to help her out. She tells me that she can so sympathize with my plight.

Ummm, no she can’t.

I don’t mean to be a bitch (really I do). But I am a single mother with no job. I love my family, but they cannot help out like they would like to because they are working. So it is me and Wookis, and trust me, he is not paying any bills. How can she understand?

Maybe she should think before she complains about how her mom will only watch her son on Mondays and how her mother-in-law can only watch him on Thursdays. Cause she doesn’t know tough until she has to tell a potential interviewer that she will have to call them back because she has to make sure she has a sitter first.

Get ready to melt…

I couldn’t leave him out, so here is a picture of our little Darwin. Get ready to ooh and ahh…

Back online people!

It is amazing how unconnected you feel when you don’t have ready access to the internet.

Not that I was completely disconnected, but it was a hassel. And I can be lazy!

But nevermind that, I am back baby! And well, uh, ready to look for work. You know, since I am unemployed.

Back from the abyss

Well, hello! I am back, hopefully to be blogging on a regular basis again. So much has happened, but there are days where it feels like everything is the same.

First of all, I am still unemployed. Yuck! It is going on 8 months now. This is the longest that I have ever gone without a job since I was 16 years old. To be honest, I may have gone a little crazy. I adopted a new puppy, his name is Barkley…

My new puppy, Barkley. Isn't he just adorable?

 He’s devilish and sweet together. Somedays I feel like kicking him to the curb and others I couldn’t live without him. I adopted him from a rescue shelter here in Capital City, and I have not had a quiet day since.

Last Saturday, Wookis and I found this tiny grey and white fluffy kitten at the park. Oh boy is he cute! We named him Darwin. Trust me, you could not have found a more adorable whittle kitty if you tried. I don’t have any pictures downloaded yet so you’ll just have to trust me.

Wookis and I have enjoyed Capital City, not that we really venture out except to see my fab sisters X-teener and the Wanderer, and my brother in law Bridge Man.

I feel like a shut in.

To be  honest, without a job I find it easier to fall into a depression. Without a job and no close friends it gets harder and harder to get motivated.

For example, right now I am sitting at Panera, and instead of searching for a job, I am sitting here updating my blog. Hmmm, I guess my priorities are in the right place??

Well, on that note I am going to visit my fav job search site.

*sigh*

Later!

Starting over

So recently I have been thinking a lot about my goals and where I wanted to be when I grew up. The scary thing is my goals have changed so much. And I’m kinda sad, because I don’t even miss them.

When I was going to school I wanted to be a hugely sucessful party planner and be strong and independant. (I love David Tutera!) Then I had a baby.

I always thought that that meant that my goals were pushed back a little bit, until I could make sure that my son grew up a little and get back on track. Then my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and now those goals aren’t even a blip on the radar. I still love planning and organizing and feeling important and needed, but it has changed.

Recently I read my sister’s blog, and she talked a little about what we have been going through as a family for the last year, but the pain extended far past that. The pain really started when we realized that Mom’s pain didn’t start the year she was diagnosed with cancer, it started when she married my former step-father.

And now as her children we have taken on the pain the she sheltered from us for so long. I don’t know how she could be so strong.

Then ther was the day my brother moved out. He didn’t move very far, a friend’s house and they are wonderful people. But it made me sad…

We’re not together any more.

That was just the beginning, now I have moved to Capital City and I am miserable and alone. My youngest brother is still living with his father and I feel guilty. Not that I had a choice. The jerk face kicked me out. but that doesn’t change my feelings.

I am so tired of being sad and guilty. Those are the feelings that torment me every day. I don’t even have a a life anymore. I spend my days worrying…worrying about Wookis, my dog, my sister, my brothers. I worry about getting a job. I worry about being alone. There are days where I worry about all the worrying I do. Everything is falling in a downward spiral, and I am not sure that I have reached rock bottom yet.

I know I need to be positive, but how do I do it? How do you start?

Please help.

A letter to those that keep getting my emails

Dear Reference:

I am so sorry you keep getting the same damn request for a reference for Princess. I really appreciate your patience in not bitch-slapping me every time you see me.

I would like you to know that I am working very hard to find a job and I hope you are filling out the form and not just deleting it on site.

Thank you!
Princess S

***

Dear Potential Employers:

Please, please, please call me! I am a very good employee and would really appreciate at least a request for an interview every once in a while. I am jumping through all of your damn hoops. Filling out the same thing over and over again. Pissing off my references with requests that they tell you how good of an employee that I am. Just CALL ME!!!!

Sincerely,
Princess S

Ch-ch-ch-changes

So with all the drama in my life lately, I have been contimplating some pretty big changes. I think Wookis and I need a HUGE change. We have fallen into a run of bad luck. And we need to do something, anything to fix it.

Here is option number 1:

Find a place to live, and move about an hour and a half south of where we currently are staying.

PROS:

• Xteener and Bridge Man live there.
• It’s a big change without being HUUUUUGE

CONS:

• It still gets cold
• I have been applying to jobs for the last two weeks and no bites yet, very frustrating

Here is option number 2:

Drop everything and move to So Cal.

PROS:

• Mom’s family lives there.
• It’s warm all year long

CONS:

• That is a huge move
• Everything is expensive there

So I am not sure what I should do. I am ready to make this change. But I am not sure what is the smartest thing to do is.

After I got laid off, I was ready to drop everything and move to California. But now that I have had a chance to think. I am not sure it is the best decision I will make. It is scary being 29 with a 3 year old and starting over. But I want a new start.

I want that fresh start. My New Years resolution this year was to avoid any catastrophes this year. Well that has been blown to hell. GAH!

This is going to be a long year.

And the search continues…

As you know, I lost my job about a month ago. So that means I have been living on unemployment for a few weeks now. Let me tell you – not fun!

I thought things were looking up when I received a call from a company that I had applied to months ago, when I was just looking for a new challenge. So I arranged to meet for an interview. It was close to my youngest siblings, the pay wasn’t great but it was something, and it was for an industry that I had never worked in but had always been interesting, travel.

So I drove to the interview. The more I followed the directions, the more that I began to worry. I was driving out to the middle of nowhere! Then I pulled up in front of the the house with the right numbers on it. Umm…it was a charming, if faded, farm house. But there was no sign, and the building that she told me to go into was a garage! A garage with a broken window in the door…it was not looking good.

So I called the woman that arranged the interview. There had to be some mistake!

Nope she said she heard me pull up and would be out to walk me in…out came a woman with a grubby sweatshirt and torn jeans.

People, let me tell you something. I don’t even own torn jeans. And the sweatshirts I own are for cheering on my brother’s football team. I do not wear them to work.

Then she smiled…OH. MY. GOD. She was missing her front teeth! Seriously??? But now there was no running away, she knew I was there. So I walked through the garage, picked my way through the debris, and walked into the “office”. All I will say is that it was a wide hallway with two desks shoved into it.

I sat down to begin the “interview” and noticed a cellphone and cigarettes sitting on the desk, and the room smelled of stale smoke. I so did not want to work here!

I sat and listened as she explained to me what we would be doing. It was actually pretty interesting and under normal circumstances I probably would have done it…then she continued to talk.

The family had adopted seven children, and we were expected to take messages and make appointments for the children if necessary. Also do not be surprised if you are asked to do personal errands for the family…apparently it is not uncommon for the owner’s wife to ask you to print out Christmas cards.

Now to the nitty, gritty…wage, $10.00 an hour, no benefits, no paid vacation or sick time until you have worked there for a year. Okaaaay. I am a single mom, I don’t get child support, or Sperm donor doesn’t pay for medical stuff. I am lucky to get any money from him. Are they kidding me?

Needless to say, I told them I would not be interested and walked out. I was driving away by the time the interview officially started.

Seriously? Who does that?